With NPD and World Psoriasis Day, there’s plenty to celebrate (go ahead – scratch that)
“Seventy-three shopping days left,” read a friend’s Facebook status recently. I nearly croaked. “Stop!” I wanted to shout at the screen. “Cut that out. It’s far too early for that sort of talk.”
The smoke has barely cleared from the Fourth of July Kaboom, the annual party we host on our three acres. That’s how it seems, though the leaves on the ground tell a different story.
Talk, too, is escalating in preparation for the first-ever Schrock exodus to a lodge in Tennessee for Christmas. This can only mean two things – that the holidays really are approaching and that there will be far more than two turkeys, herb rubbed or otherwise, making the trip. Not to mention several ham bones, if you know what I mean.
It was after the holidays last year that I unveiled my plan for the creation of a brand-new national holiday. If, that is, I were in the Oval Office with all the powers of the presidential pen at my disposal.
We’d spent much of Christmastide in our pajamas, watching movies and relaxing. Occasionally, we’d stir just long enough to slip from one rumpled pair into a fresh set. By the time real life intruded again, we were so relaxed we could barely slither off to work and school once more.
A National Pajama Day, I posited, was just what this tired, anxious nation needed. The national stress level would drop like a rock, pajama-clad experts testified, with America’s criminals resting at home in their own jammies. They weren’t eager, said the experts, to be caught mugging or burgling in their PJs.
One NPD a year wasn’t nearly enough, I added. That’s why it was going quarterly. They would thank me, I asserted, especially when I mandated quarterly NPW, or National Pajama Week, for Congress. Citizens could breathe easier, knowing that as long as elected officials were off snoozing, no taxes were being raised and no freedoms were being stolen.
So did I when I discovered recently that there are far more holidays to celebrate than I ever dreamt possible. It was when I Googled “crazy holidays” that a whole new world opened up, and I saw that I’d been missing out on all kinds of excitement.
According to one website’s official calendar, January alone offers any number of reasons to celebrate and be aware. Granted, not everyone is celebrating every item, but someone somewhere is, and that’s why it made the list.
January starts off with a bang with the annual 55-MPH Speed Limit Day on the 2nd. I can certainly get behind this one, observing it in my own special way by speeding – oops, make that proceeding decorously to the local Starbucks for a mocha. Cheers!
From January 18-25, it’s the Week of Christian Unity, followed immediately by No Name Calling Week from January 24-28. We will definitely be observing these two at our house with the only tweak being to bump them both to a month-long observance. They will be mandatory, of course, with all participants expected to be good and happy about it.
Maybe National Hugging Day on the 21st will help to ease their angst (group hug, people). Belly Laugh Day on the 24th should loosen ‘em up, too, and foster some unity.
To finish out the month, there’s Fun at Work Day on the 28th and Curmudgeon Day on the 29th, which just seems backward to me. Why should the curmudgeons have the last word, hmm? Aren’t they the ones that need to lighten up and learn to have some fun? Could these be combined somehow into a Bring a Curmudgeon to Work and Teach Him to Belly Laugh Day? I might be onto something here.
Skipping ahead now, if you were bored in the month of October, it’s your own fault. Not only is it Apple, Chili, and Caramel Month, it’s Cut Out Dissection Month, too. Look at all that fun you missed.
My parents could have observed Celebrating the Bilingual Child Month (I kid you not) because as you know from a recent column, I was one. Go ahead, Mom and Dad – send money. Or at least a Starbucks gift card. Don’t hold back.
Whoever thought it was a good idea to call a Bat Appreciation Month was a little batty, in my opinion. No way I’m jumping on that one. The single bat that had the nerve to invade our house one night was swiftly sent to his reward, thanks to my own Indiana Jones (Mr. Schrock) and his deadly broom.
I don’t celebrate Caffeine Addiction Recovery Month, either, as that would make it tough to really get into Positive Attitude Month, which also ran in October.
If you didn’t celebrate World Menopause Month, don’t sweat it. You can catch it next year.
Lastly, World Psoriasis Day was held on the 29th. Wait. Scratch that. No, really. Scratch that.
Many of these celebrations, I note, could be held in one’s pajamas. Okay, not the Fun at Work Day, but many of those others could. So what are you waiting for?