Dear boys, It ain’t just the stayin’ that counts

Categorized as Rhonda's Posts

The other night we were sittin’ in the twilight, enjoying the first campfire of the season. We’d just biked six miles, gliding along in evening’s sun. Then Dad set fire to wood, and we grilled meat in the country air.

Somehow, our conversation turned to marriage and how very many folks we know have split up and lost out, even some in our family circle. We talked about how really hard it is, this thing of stayin’ together, and how it ain’t just the stayin’ that counts.

You can stay together for a real long time and just give each other hell, and I’m tryin’ to decide which is more honest–the splittin’ or the hell-raisin’ under the cover of “still together” with hearts that are dark and self-centered. But that may be a letter for another day.

Anyway, I’m being prompted today to pass on a truth-bit that you really need to know. I’d been thinkin’ on it before the campfire chat, and in my heart, I feel it’s import, it’s “bigness.” It’s something I want you to know. It might make you uncomfortable, but makin’ you uncomfortable is not a reason for not tellin’ you the truth. Dad and I want you to have marriages that will last and be fulfilling.

So here goes. In light of our culture and the spirit of the age, I want you to know that…

You can have sex with the same woman for 8 and 18 and 28 years and be happy and satisfied. You can.

I know that the world is screamin’ somethin’ different. It’s a message you cannot avoid. And it’s a lie.

If you go by what you see and what you hear, you will conclude that it is not possible for a man to be satisfied, content or seriously happy with one girl, one woman for a lifetime. You need more. Deserve more. And that’s a lie.

We don’t live, guys, by what we see and hear, for that is the path to misery and deception. We walk by faith and the Word. By the Truth of His Kingdom and the plan God’s laid out, and that’s a path that is narrow. Counter to culture.

Guys, no woman can make you lust or turn your heart away. You cannot make a woman carry that burden, no matter what she is or isn’t wearin’. Jesus said it like this, “Listen to Me, all of you, and understand: there is nothing outside the man which can defile him if it goes into him; but the things which proceed out of the man are what defile the man.  If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear (Mark 7:14, 15).”

Just like no one can make you hate, cheat or steal, no woman can force you to lust or be unfaithful. You are the one to decide, and Jesus helps.

After 28 years with your dad, we’re still happy. It’s been bloody hard; I can’t lie. But after all the hard things and testings and years, we love each other more, we’re very best friends and, yes, we still have sex. And we love it.

It’s a gift to you, really, our marriage and love life in all of its aspects and forms. ‘Cause we’re together–really together, and we’re loving each other, loving you four and loving Friend Jesus. So you’re welcome. FacebookTwitterGoogle+DiggPinterestBlogger

You know (you sure do) that we are imperfect, and there’s plenty that we’ve gotten wrong. We’ve screwed up. But we try to fall forward, to learn and to grow. We long to break chains, set new patterns.

For you, your beautiful “someday girls” and your children.

With love now and always and forever,


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