For a pro-life marriage, three things

Categorized as Rhonda's Posts

It is only after careful deliberation that I have decided to offer these thoughts. I know that I am speaking plainly today, that it will generate some discomfort, and that I may lose followers. I also understand that not saying hard things hasn’t helped. Rome is burning, friend, and I can’t be fiddling anymore.

In this country that I love, a fire rages. Abortion, the Mt. St. Helens of 2019, has erupted, splattering the lava of dissent, of debate, and of heated emotions across the land.

America’s hurting.

In recent days, I’ve been hearing a narrative that has me thinking. It’s along the lines of, “It’s not enough to simply be pro-life. Our arguments for the pro-life stance aren’t changing minds. There’s something deeper here that’s broken.” And that deeper, broken thing is–the family.

I have been shocked. Over the years, I’ve gotten some raw, real, behind-the-scenes glimpses of marriages, and what I’ve seen is alarming. I’m not talking about non-Christians. I’m specifically talking about Christian marriages. Church-going, Bible-believing, name-the-name-of-Christ marriages. They are struggling.

Once, during a season of great distress as I wrestled with the God of the Bible, I remember saying out loud, “If I have more (torment/guilt/anxiety/pressure/misery) than a non-Christian, then what in the world is this good for?” And why on earth would they want what I have?

What, indeed, and why?

To my greatest relief, consolation, and amazement, the God that I raged at turned out to be the God Who was immeasurably kinder than I’d known, vastly more patient than I’d dreamt, and far more respectful than I’d ever guessed. Who knew?

And now, back to marriages, and the battle that’s raging in our land. For such an “enlightened” civilization, we’re not doing well at all with the most fundamental building block of a healthy society, the family. The mortar in so many family units has eroded and crumbled, leaving its members reeling and scarred. Some fall apart completely, while many others limp along, foundations made of shifting sand. We’re the Wounded, Walking About.

Helping weak or failing marriages is far too big a topic for such a tiny woman alone. I feel my frailty here, and so today I simply want to offer you the bread that’s in my basket, and some fishes, for I know Lord Christ is a whiz with multiplication. Hence, I offer this simple, preliminary list for enhancing the strength of your connection. Here goes.

1. Fight naked. Some time ago, a brave woman told me that from the early days of their marriage, her husband had established this rule. When they got into a row, they would retire to their bedroom, shut the door, take their clothes off, and commence with the fight. While holding each other. I recall being astounded at the maturity and insight of her groom. It had an amazing effect, she said, on their relationship. Inevitably, they could work through their disagreement and come back together again emotionally. There is something, she said, about being naked together without the physical barrier of clothes in a nonsexual setting that brought other barriers down and brought peace. “You can’t stay mad.” That’s what she said. So, go ahead. Fight naked.

2. Sleep naked. I resisted this for such a long time, but we’ve now embraced this practice. So many factors can keep us from being comfortable with our own bodies. Shame, religious teaching, cultural mores, past abuse, etc., can make us skittish, if not downright hateful of these beautiful houses we live in (God’s tabernacle). Sleeping sans jammies helps you get more comfortable in your own suit, and it just feels good. Skin-to-skin touching like this is highly therapeutic and promotes a deep-down intimacy. So, go ahead. Sleep naked.

3. Make sure you’re having sex. A lot. I know, I know. This is a very difficult topic, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be said. If you’re not having sex (or you’re having very little), that’s a problem, and you need to get some help. An active sex life is a good indicator of a strong, healthy relationship. It’s hard, if not impossible, to have a thriving marriage without it. I get it–illness, sexual abuse, religious teachings, past experiences, etc., can complicate this issue terribly. There is help for you if you’re struggling here. You are not doomed to an anemic love life or an unhealthy marriage. So, go ahead. Get some help. Make love.

I cannot save all the babies in the world; cannot save every marriage. I cannot, alone, turn the tide. I cannot change hearts or minds, but the little that I CAN do, I will.

I CAN work to strengthen my own marriage and my family. I CAN revel in my own marital relationship that reveals Christ and His bride to the world. I CAN foster life in every area, not just the birthing, and I CAN shine the Light where I’m placed.

So can you.

For Life, and that abundant,






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