How communication is spelled to your man (hint: it’s a three-letter word)

Categorized as Rhonda's Posts


This morning, I want to speak a quick, encouraging word to the one of you-all who’s struggling with sex. Yup, I said it. So buckle up.

If there is one area my husband and I have struggled with, it is this one. God (I can tell you) has done so very much work in us both. Our story is all grace, and that amazing. We are happier than we’ve ever been. More in love than we’ve ever been. More delighted with one another than we ever, ever have been. And it’s great.

Recently, Mr. Schrock, He of the Blue, Blue Eyes, handed me a nugget. We were talking (yes, we were) about sex. And there it came. “It’s just a different form of communication.” 

Well, ah-to-the-ha. Yes-to-the-yea! For this Words Girl, it was a lovely, fresh angle. A delightful twist, a tilt of the prism that fractured the Light, sent it sparking and dancing in my heart. For I love, love, love to communicate.

So does he.

I love using words. He loves having sex.

His nearness as he listens comforts me. My nearness behind closed doors comforts him.

His receiving of my words calms my heart. My receiving of his touch calms his heart.

When he spends time, talking things over, I feel loved. When I spend time, enjoying sex, he feels loved.

When he responds with words, he’s ministering to me. When I respond with physical love, I am ministering to him. All taken together, in God’s sovereign and wise, wise plan, we both are en-couraged and up-lifted.

It’s no wonder, really, that the enemy of us all would attack and pervert God’s good plan. What but the act of marriage, the joining of two bodies into one; what but that so displays the beauty and the goodness of God’s own union with us? For as a woman invites her lover to enter, so each heart must invite the Lord Christ.

Becoming one with an earthly spouse is divine, “a great mystery.” But becoming one with the Trinity; having the very Spirit of God in the person of Jesus Christ living within, that is a heavenly life. It’s miraculous, and He enters when He is invited.

To the girl who’s struggling today. I want to help you, not guilt you. Lord knows you don’t need more shame and condemnation heaped on top of your load. I know what it is to be so tired, so exhausted that you feel you’ve nothing to give. I have been there.

I know what it’s like to have financial and work and relational pressures; then laundry and dinner and a thousand other things pressing in on your mind, and the last thing you want is to have sex. I do know.

This little bit of bread is meant to help you. As you choose to communicate with your husband in the way that he desires and understands, you, yourself, will be en-couraged. You, yourself, will find comfort. You, yourself, will be up-lifted, and your marriage and your family will be strengthened.

With the presence of the Living Christ within you, my friend, “You can.” Yes, you can.

Warmly today,


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