To the homemakers: you’ve chosen well

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This essay first appeared on The Daily B.S. It was discussed on the air on May 25, 2024.

It sparked a conflagration. Speaking to the graduating class of Benedictine College, Harrison Butker, placekicker for the Kansas City Chiefs, said this to the female graduates, “I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you…Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.

“I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabelle, would be the first to say that her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother. I’m on the stage today and able to be the man I am because I have a wife who leans into her vocation. I’m beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me, but it cannot be overstated that all of my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife, and embrace one of the most important titles of all: homemaker.”

Across the fruited plains, the outcry was swift and vicious. How dare he suggest that being a wife and a mother could trump other careers? How dare he imply that his wife’s choice to be a homemaker was preferable to other paths? How dare he?

Columnist Sam McDowell, Kansas City Star, said this, “Women listening in the audience, rather than being rewarded with a diploma on graduation day, were made to listen as he promoted the role of homemaker–not as an acceptable choice, but as their duty as a husband’s servant.”

Well, as a woman who’s been “made to listen” to years of propaganda (e.g., toxic masculinity, radical feminism, transgender ideology, etc.), I’d like to speak in defense of countless millions of women who have chosen that same path. As a mother and a wife, I can tell Mr. McDowell that his words are sheer folly and that Mr. Butker was right. We have been lied to.

For years, women have been told that the Path to Fulfillment lies straight up the career ladder. We’ve been told that having children and raising them ourselves is a lesser position, that bringing home a paycheck and building a resume is of greater importance than ‘building’ humans and supporting our spouses. We are nothing more than glorified servants there in our kitchens, cooking meals and cleaning up. We deserve far more than that.

When a woman chooses to invest her life, energy, time, skills, abilities, and intellect into making a home for those she loves, she is choosing a noble thing. She is creating a safe harbor for her husband and children in a world that is often harsh and cold. She is the queen of her domain. You will not soon hear complaints from her loved ones that she is available to them.

As a wife for nearly 37 years and a mother for 34, I have significant experience here. When my husband went to college after we were married and had our first child, I took housecleaning jobs to support him and our family as he worked towards his degree. While there, we had our second child. Between the two of us, we covered childcare, I kept cleaning, and he kept studying. When he graduated, I cried because it had been so hard, but we’d made it. Together.

After our third child was born, he decided to start a business. Again, I took a job to support him and our family as he worked to build the company. Fortunately, I was able to work from home with childcare covered by me. He and the older children helped with work around the house. It was very hard, but we made it. Together.

Just as I was sacrificing for our sons all those years, he was sacrificing, too. Pouring all his energy and much of his time into the business, he was doing it with a singular focus—the betterment of our family. In many, many ways, he laid down his life for us. As I laid mine down for him and the boys, he did the same. We were serving each other, living for each other, and it worked spectacularly.

My role was not lesser than his. His was not greater than mine, but we kept the goal in mind—caring for and raising those kids while building our marriage—and we did it.

In every way, he honors me. He truly values my opinions. He asks for my input, and we make big decisions together. These days, because he needs my help in the office, he pitches in at the house to ease the load there, and in all respects, we are a team. Our sons, thank God, are watching it all.

I am one of the most fulfilled women on the planet. As a burgeoning career presents itself, he is my greatest fan. He is moving heaven and earth to make it possible for me to follow a new path, and I am grateful.

Being part of a happy, healthy family is one of the greatest blessings in this life. It’s a blessing to build it. It’s a blessing to experience it. Such is the longing of every human heart, left or right, black or white, and our investment in our families will reap a rich reward.

To mothers who want to stay at home, but can’t, I’ll tell you what a friend once told me. She, too, found herself having to sacrifice for her family by going to work, and so she said this one day, “I was feeling guilty for not being there all the time, but then I just stopped and told God, ‘I’m doing what I can. Please fill in the gaps.’” And she found peace.

To all hardworking mothers everywhere, God bless you. May he fill every gap and bless your precious families.

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