What sex is good for

I’m going to speak on a tough subject today. It was on my mind when I was out runnin’ this morning through green, green, tasseled corridors, cool air sweet-scented with corn. It is written in the context of marriage, and I believe the principles will apply to Christian and non-Christian marriages alike. Because of Whose idea it was in the first place.

If you are uncomfortable with straight talk on this subject, I invite you to come back later when I’m writing something funny or entertaining. I have no desire to be graphic for the sake of titillation or amusement, but it would be hard to be more graphic than the Bible itself, in the book made for lovers, Song of Songs. In that light, then, this…

For years, I lived with the Sesame Street crowd; little tikes who devoured the antics of Elmo, Big Bird and Mr. Noodles. As they’d say on the show, “The word on the street is __.” And that was the topic, or theme of the day.

On a cool, clear July morning, the word on THIS street is…

Sex.

Going in, I understand that many, many people have been gravely wounded in this area. The damage done to hearts, minds, souls, spirits and bodies is incalculable. I am not qualified to lead you through that devastation, but there are experts who are. Just as you would seek immediate medical help if you were in a cataclysmic crash, I implore you to seek help for your Great Wound of the heart. Shame would not keep you from the emergency room in a crisis of the body, so don’t let it keep you from skilled care for your soul. (I’m praying for you.)

Then there’s this. So many girls (and I’m one) have experienced the leering, sweeping gazes of men. This, in a culture that objectifies women, glorifies “perfect bodies,” worships at the altar of pleasure.

It’s been hard, real hard, for the Church to keep up.

So very many mixed messages. So much confusion. So much abusing and pain. Such distortion.

This morning, arms pumping, shoes shooshing on pavement, I took it to the One Who first birthed it. Set it up. Did the plumbing. Strung the wiring. (I’m grinnin’, ’cause I know He’s not stuffy).

I needed to hear from my Dad. “Why do men need sex?” That was one, and the second question went something like this: “How is it beneficial for us women?” (See? No shame or discomfort when I’m talkin’ stuff over with Him.)

Three miles later, this is what I came home with. First, that my man is a warrior. A fighter. Built to work hard. He provides. He protects. He and his fellow warriors build things and move mountains. They are strong, brave and determined. They love to fight for their families, homes and communities.

But men can be hard and unyielding. They can get stuck in the “conquering hero, taking ground, slaying dragons” kind of mode, and it is the softness of a woman that softens his heart. That brings consolation. His reward!

Because sex physically connects a man to his woman, he is comforted in a way he can see, feel; can know. That man is grateful, for he feels he’s been loved. Whether or not we understand this, it’s the truth.

He feels loved.

A man takes pride in showing his strength, whether it’s in hard work, his intelligence, in providing…or in sex. To put it bluntly, it’s the strength of a man joined with woman’s softness that allows procreation and pleasure. A man needs and desires to be strong. Especially here.

A strong, courageous, tenderhearted man is the very best kind. For everyone in his world. He loves well and works hard and it’s good. So good.

Now. For us girls. “Why is it beneficial?” That’s what I asked because I know that for all God’s designed, there’s a benefit. After time with my Papa, this is what I am thinking.

That we women were designed to give life. And past that, not only to give it, but to foster it, to nurture it in the world. Wherever we are.

Our very bodies conceive fresh, new souls. For nine months, we carry divinity’s imprint, life forming in secret in the deep, hidden place of the womb. We birth life.

Our bodies are made to sustain it. Our breasts fill with milk, eager arms cradling infant, holding that babe to ourselves. Loving softly.

In all of our relationships, we bring life. We foster it. We nurture it. We pour sweet life into others. If we are walking in this, our true identity, we experience our greatest fulfillment. In giving life, we receive it.

Even in sex.

In joyful participation of sex, we are being life givers to our men. And therein lies our own fulfillment. Life births life, which gives life.

When we love our husbands in this very physical way, it connects far more than two bodies. It connects hearts. A woman can open her body, but keep her heart closed, and a man’s own heart will recoil. Thus, a soft, open body with a soft, open heart nurtures life and strength in a man. Upon this strong, secure foundation, the family itself will flourish. And some heaven comes right down to earth.

For all that’s good,

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One last word to my girlfriends. The world has told us that we have to be a certain size, have a certain shape to be attractive; i.e., love-able. This is B.S. (a Baloney Sandwich). It’s a wicked, satanic lie and nothing but. It has kept so many of us from a joy-filled life, including our relationships with our men. Time to kick it to the curb and accept “us.” #youcan #metoo