Dear hurting girl, Your femininity’s not a curse, it’s a blessing, and there are godly men who know it

Categorized as Rhonda's Posts

I am writing today to the woman in my path who’s in a real hurting place. I’m going to do what I’m learnin’ to do with hard, painful things, and I’m going to speak the truth, tell it plain.

Last week, Jesus moved me to write about pornography, and from all over the world came a flood. I could see we had touched a nerve.

Because of the healing work that He’s been doin’ in me, way down in the depths of my heart, I know what He wants from me now. And that’s the passin’ on, the brave-teachin’ to others who’ve been told lies, who have carried great shame, crushing pain. From great wounding.

This message is for the one whose wounds have come from one of two places–from sexual abuse or from the wide and cancerous reach of pornography; perhaps both. And frankly, this message is for the girl who lives here in this dark, sin-cursed earth, this world where women are objects, where skin’s used for sellin’, where a woman believes that her value is measured in inches, in pounds, in wrinkle-free skin.

And that’s most of us. That’s what I know.

The overall effect of sexual abuse and pornography is that it tells a woman that it’s dangerous; yes, even evil to be what she was made from conception to be–a woman. For one of the lies from the fires of hell is this, that because she’s a woman (and who had that choice?), folks will sin. That men are only after “one thing.” And it’s a devilish thing, dear hurtin’ girl, that much in one’s life seems to confirm it.

The billboards. Commercials. The internet sites. The off-color jokes and the leering.

Then comes the “modesty message” in waves, and no one can ever agree. Not on rules, and meanwhile, the confusion only deepens. And in that horrible middle, many girls are still bleedin’, shame hemorrhagin’.

When a woman’s abused, whether subtly or overtly, it sends her a message: “You’re only sexual.” And the pornography business, it says the same thing with a thousand exclamation marks in swimsuits…or less.

In my walk with Jesus, I have entered a season where I am beginning to understand–and to treasure–the simplicity that is found in Him. Just the other day, I said to Him, runnin’ past fields of corn, “I’m thinkin’ that most of us have made walkin’ with You waaaayyyy harder than You ever meant it to be.”

And on a quiet, country road, He nodded, and I felt the “amen” in my spirit.

So. If pornography has stolen your man’s eyes and his heart or if you have been the victim of sexual abuse, then I will tell you very simply what I believe Jesus would like you to know: “What happened to you wasn’t your fault. The shame and sin of another was thrust upon you, and he used your femininity (or the femininity of others) for evil.

“Your femininity is not a curse. It’s not dangerous or wrong. Those are lies that came in through your wounding. You are not shameful for being a woman. Your woman-ness is a good, good gift, and there’s no curse on any of your being.

“You were created to bear life, whether or not you’ve birthed children, and Papa, He pours out His blessing. In the place where curse was, just there He will bless you. And I’ve redeemed you and paid the full price.

“You are Mine. You’re a woman. That’s a gift of great worth. And so, dear girl, are you.”

If you are squirming right now, drowning in shame, please get yourself away to a quiet, safe place, and hold this whole matter up to Him. Don’t take my words alone; let Him give you His. He will comfort you with His love, and with singing.

Jesus, dear hurting girl, is all about redemption, and your heavenly Father is longing to bless you and break the curse.

Just one more thing I’d like you to know: that in this world, there are still men who know, really know, the value and worth of a woman, that it’s not in the shape of her body. There are men who see the great gift and treasure of a woman’s heart and soul, and when they fall in love with that, it’s love that sticks. A love that stays. I know, for I’m married to one.

And that, dear girl, is a love worth waiting for.

Jesus and I, we bless you.

From my tender heart right to yours,


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